My blog’s gotten an unusual number of hits in the past couple days, so – welcome! Things have been quiet here because, as usual, life keeps me busy with a great many other things.

One of the things I’m occupied with at the moment is my acceptance as a presenter at PantheaCon 2016! I’m very much looking forward to presenting a brand new session, Advancing Devotional Practice. This session will take a look at some of the challenges and questions that come up in a long-term devotional practice. Note that this isn’t “advanced” devotional practice because I hold that there isn’t really such a thing. Rather, there are patterns, trends, and concerns that only develop in the long term and some of these will be explored in the session. Advancing Devotional Practice is scheduled for 9 AM on Monday morning; I’ll certainly do my best to make sure the experience is worth getting up early for. 🙂 I’m also specifically hoping that we can have some open discussion and question time, so I’m not going to develop a super lengthy Powerpoint or anything like that.

I did a bit of traveling in October for family stuff. That was good but heavy, as family stuff usually is. I didn’t get much time to do personal writing while I was away from home, but I did finish up an article draft. I still haven’t done much with a book manuscript I’m very slowly working on. I haven’t done anything about the new book on devotional practice.

My project table has been filled up with various projects but very little progress was made until quite recently. I spent a couple weeks finishing up some book binding and so now there’s fresh blank books on my Etsy store. (Click the pictures to be taken to the listings.)

Paperback copies of Worshiping Loki are in development. I’ve been working with a designer for a couple months now and everything will be ready before February; the idea is to have a bunch of copies to take with me to PCon but they’ll be for sale online and in ebook format, too.

October and November are very busy months for me in lots of ways. It’s a major period of ancestor work, like it is for many other people. Navaratri occurred in mid October so I recognized that, too. My dead folks were celebrated during All Soul’s/All Saints Days and I felt my Green allies pass from this world. This is a time of mourning and celebration and these are experiences that leave me very worn out.

And of course, my ritual observances continue. I’m brewing a blog post on the subject of purity and the emerging effect its had on my practice; I’d also like to write about divine absence. There are lots of things I’d like to write about. All my writing energy goes towards my job though; I don’t have much left over and I’m sorry.

At any rate, have a good month and stay safe and warm or cool, depending on what you need.

My perennial inquiry into Mirabai blossomed into an intense interest in Sri Andal and Akka Mahadevi a couple years ago. Researching each of these amazing women has posed a different set of problems but applying myself to this task has been immensely rewarding. Throughout this effort, certain questions started to arise in my mind. Specifically, I started to wonder why, despite so having such similar narratives, Sri Andal was regarded as a goddess and why Mirabai was regarded as a saint.

This simple question doesn’t even begin to capture the nuance of the information being considered. It is not a question that can be taken at face value. It is a question that shifts profoundly depending on which framework it is considered in. It is a question asked and answered by absolutely everyone who might engage with one or the other of these figures – and the thing is, none of these answers are incorrect. There are therefore innumerable correct answers and innumerable frameworks that will yield new perspectives when applied to these two remarkable lives.

Therefore, I have many, many possible right answers to provide to people who might be curious about this subject. None of these answers are ultimately satisfying and this is because I haven’t found the answer that’s right to me. I don’t have my own answer for this question. What I’m seeking is an answer that makes sense to me.

At the moment, I’m rather thinking that I have to engage with this question poetically, through aesthetic lens. Perhaps in the contrasting feelings evoked by Akka Mahadevi, Mirabai, and Andal there is a logic that will clarify the contrasts into a meaningful pattern. Narratively, their respective stories have considerable similarities. Poetically, emotionally, artistically – the stories are quite different.  Considering their similarities has not won me the kind of answers I’m looking for. Perhaps focusing on their contrasts will be more fruitful.

Each woman suffers a bit from the imposition of retroactive creation. She is each individually created anew again and again through our contemporary telling and engagement. All the tellings that have been expressed since their death to this very day is retroactively applied to their lives and the meaning of their lives; each woman is swaddled in a cloud of meaning, symbol, thought, and doctrine to explain her existence only after the fact. Though we are left with bodies of writing attributed to each of them, their words and beings sometimes seem to be disparate entities. By analyzing the words can we analyze the woman? By understanding the poetry can we understand the poet? These things leave us only with an outline deliberately created by an individual who wanted focus not on herself, but on her divine beloved. Scholastically, this is more frustrating than can be put into words. Spiritually, this is the only possible way to understand them.

It’s been pretty quiet around here, hasn’t it? Since the final push to get the hand bound copies of Worshiping Loki out the door I’ve pulled back in order to focus on job-writing and other work. The effort left me pretty wiped out as you might imagine and I’ve still got the logistics of printing standard copies to think about. The person who I had originally planned to partner with on this effort had to pull back for job-related reasons, which I totally understand. He’s a freelance designer and though I would have been paying him, he had other clients come up in the meantime that had to become a priority. He’s provided me with some references but so far nothing has panned out. I’ve also put myself to studying formatting for bound material printing just in case I have to do this all myself – which I really, really hope I don’t have to do. My intention is to have paper and electronic copies of Worshiping Loki available by the beginning of February, just in time to head to Pantheacon.

I think I’ve also alluded to some major shifts in my personal spiritual landscape. It’s taken several weeks for these things to settle into place and I expect there’s still some settling taking place. I don’t want to share many particulars but one of the most interesting changes has been that dealing with the dead has suddenly been a much more significant part of my practice. Though my ability to communicate with spirits and Powers has gotten pretty good over the years, the dead have never had much to say to me. Even communicating with ancestral powers has been a lot of ehhhhh. I wasn’t sure if they simply didn’t have anything to say to me or if I just wasn’t able to communicate on their wavelength. Now they do and now I can and so I’ve had to expand my hospitality a little bit.

I’ll admit, I’ve had to work at ancestor veneration for, um, a really long time before I got any sort of discernible results. Years went by without much response. For a long time I had a collection of old women and gender variant sex workers living on my ancestral altar but after a couple years they moved on. The ancestral altar was pretty quiet for two years or so but it wasn’t empty, if that makes sense. It wasn’t until last fall that my ancestors of blood finally showed up – and even then, it’s the folks from the Mexican/indigenous side of the family that took the long walk over the western mountains to have a seat on the altar. The other side of the family has been much more elusive.

Since then the ancestral altar has been a little more lively, especially once my paternal grandmother in particular was identified as a spiritual force in my life. Things got shaken up a little bit once Panpsyche decided that She was just going to sit Herself on the ancestral altar and take care of the dead woman who followed me home one night.

Having a new spirit in need of hospitality showed me the gaps in my practice for the dead. I had food and drink and light and incense – and that was about it. The altar wasn’t comfortable. It wasn’t a place where a spirit could hang out and be sick for a while if it needed to; the altar wasn’t a good recovery ward and healing was what some of these folks clearly needed. I decided to create a spirit house furnished with items that would suit the needs of visitors. I played with several ideas before settling on a shelf full of dollhouse furniture.

A lot of people would think that it’s a terrible idea to set up hospitality for strange spirits. In some paradigms, even ancestors get unruly and have to be handled firmly. And yes, this is always a possibility but I’m confident in my ability to solve this kind of problem should it arise. There are many strategies to address the question of unruly spirits and a simple list of house rules has actually worked out perfectly so far.

But see – my paradigm is a little different. To me, it is entirely absolutely OK to offer some basic hospitality to strange spirits in order to foster a healthy community. Having traumatized dead folks wandering around is actually a problem on lots of levels. I’m certainly not equipped to handle a wide variety of problems but I can handle some unseen houseguests so long as they don’t overstay their welcome without pulling some weight around the place. I also trust Panpsyche and Panhyle to help keep the dead in line should anything start to go wrong. They’re the ones that figure prominently in this work and I trust them both.

So for a few weeks I’ve been looking diligently for the materials required for a spirit house. I found a shelf with a small railing that looked rather like a balcony; it was perfect for the space I had available. A piece of art featuring the bony Lord and Lady of Death was centered just above the shelf like they were presiding over this new house. Digging through thrift stores finally paid off with a haul of new-in-package dollhouse furniture, which I immediately placed on the altar. I explained to my dead folks what it was for and they instantly settled in. The feeling at the altar shifted noticeably. The real estate “earthed” the dead, for lack of a better term. They felt more tangible, more settled, more calm, more quiet even. I couldn’t have been happier with the result.

Once that first dead woman moved on, Panpsyche pulled back – until another dead person showed up a few nights ago. He’s much more timid and much harder to discern and he might have moved on entirely by now but having a little guest room for him to stay in made a huge difference in the kind of boundaries I was able to draw. Though the idea might not immediately make sense, the dead seemed to be happier, better behaved, and more content once they were given real estate of their very own.

I have additional plans for the spirit house. I’ll make some tiny pillows and blankets for the bed and couches. I’d like to make a very smol altar to Santa Muerte just for the dead. A couple small rugs and that’s pretty much it. In the meantime, it’s wonderfully attractive. The spirit house is a lovely addition to the niche in my home primarily dedicated to ancestor work and Saint Death. It’s been a very rewarding project to work on.

Every hand bound book or journal I sell is supposed to contain a little slip of paper providing people with some basic care instructions. The hand bound copies of Worshiping Loki sent out in late August did not contain these bits of paper. I couldn’t find my supply of them and it would have taken several days for me to have more printed; I opted to ship the books even without this little extra item.

The information on this little piece of paper is now contained here: https://walkingtheheartroad.com/hand-bound-books/  This way the information is available at all times, to anyone who needs it. Hand bound books are just a little different than traditional books; they feel a little different, function a little different, and react to changes in humidity just a little differently. I’ve had no shortage of traditional books bow and buckle as I’ve brought them from, say, San Francisco to Salt Lake City (and vice versa), so bear in mind that any sudden change in humidity can cause a book to behave a little strangely. This is normal and it can be easily corrected with a little time and patience.

Hand bound books are creatures of wet and dry. They are responsive to their environment, which means that they can be shaped and, to some degree, reshaped as necessary. If you’ve received your little black and gold book and discovered that the cover boards are crisp and lovely one day and slightly bowed the next, please refer to the hand bound books page. Your book is simply reacting to its environment. Set it under weight and in a couple days it will start to behave again.

The final pre-order copies of Worshiping Loki have been shipped; I’ve added tracking info to each Paypal invoice so everyone who ordered a copy should see an email with tracking information though it can take some time for the numbers to enter the USPS system and receive updates, especially for international orders.

As stated, there are still a few copies still available. The special pricing was only in effect during the pre-order period; each copy is $55 + $3.50 shipping (international shipping is available; please contact me for a shipping estimate if you require one).

This has been an enormous undertaking and so, so worthwhile. I’ve learned a lot about running this sort of project and with any luck the next time around I’ll be able to do it with even greater effectiveness. Yes – I’ll do another limited issue, hand bound book project in the future. I have no idea what that book might be about and it certainly won’t be offered anytime soon, but I’d love to do this again.

At last! The first several hand bound books have been taken to the post office. The remainder will be taken on Monday.

The dedication rite was also held this morning (here you can see a partial stack just before the candles were lit; there really are a lot of books).

Getting these in the mail felt wonderfully conclusive. This project is very nearly over – at least, the physical aspect of it. These particular books will go out to do their work in the world and that’s exciting to think about, though they’re also beginning to leave my sphere of awareness just like any completed spell does.

Of course, the process of bringing the entire Worshiping Loki project into being is only partially completed. Next I’ll be working with a print designer to prepare the standard issue copy; some of the design work will also have an impact on the electronic copy, which will be released at the same time, I expect. I’ll keep you updated as these upcoming stages develop.

Thanks again.

At long last, the first handful of books are going under weight for the final time. They’ll cure overnight and if all goes well, they’ll be pristine and perfect in the morning. While I’m waiting for the glue to dry and set, I’ll begin preparing the packaging for shipping.

A few days ago I placed an order with Beth Wodandis for a fresh Loki candle and some Sigyn incense. I’m quite fond of her candles and was eagerly looking forward to her most recent restock. The candle and incense arrived today – just in time for the book dedication ritual. Though I prefer to do ritual at night, because the books have to sit overnight I’ll aim to do the ritual in the morning. They’ll also be signed and numbered tomorrow.

This is a very good night.

Like I said in my last book making update, I’m about 10 days behind schedule – which isn’t terrible, but nor is it what I wanted. To keep the process transparent, I’d like to share a picture of today’s production.

It might not look terribly exciting but these are some bound text blocks (the top stack) and some finished text blocks (the bottom stack). The finished ones are ready to be set into the cover boards. 😀

I realized I’ve been a bit reluctant to share pictures of the progress because for the most part, book binding looks pretty boring. There’s a lot of glue and stacks of paper. It’s not until everything is put together at the very end that it starts to look interesting. Still, everyone has given me a very profound gift of trust and I owe it to the many people who have supported this project to be as forthright as possible. A big batch of books will go under weight this evening, which means that the first wave of shipping will occur sometime tomorrow. I’ve had some car trouble this week but I can hop on the bus first thing in the morning and go down to the post office without too much difficulty (assuming that my gimpy leg is going to allow me that much walking).

I’m honored and humbled at the amazing support that has been shown for this project. It’s been a real adventure – and I can’t wait to do it again. Thanks again.

(This post started out as a reply to Redfaery on the post Is There Work For Me? I wanted to clarify that though my polytheism and my spirit work are fundamentally connected, they are not exactly the same thing. I’d like to nip in the bud any line of thought that states that our human love is capital, labor, or employment. Though a number of polytheists happen to be spirit workers, polytheism is a religious framework and spirit work is….well, something a little different that I’ve struggled for a very long time to put into clear language. Basically I want to make very clear that the distinct, personal, individual, and sweetly human love for the divine is too precious and valuable to be treated like labor, even though there may sometimes be effort involved. So this is to Redfaery, a dear and sweetly devoted person whose love of Saraswati touches me deeply – but it’s also to anyone else who I may have made feel slighted or diminished by my words. I’m sorry. I love your love and I honor your affection.)

I sincerely hope that I haven’t contributed to your feelings of discontent. I believe some bloggers and writers (myself included) consciously or unconsciously draw on the terminology of the “Great Work” as referenced in various magical traditions. (Precisely what the Great Work is in these contexts is also not terribly clear because it’s understood that each individual practitioner will discover its nuances and particulars as they apply themselves to study and practice according to the guidelines of the tradition they’re part of.)

When I personally talk about the Work, I’m referring specifically to my Work, and this Work is the cosmic, macro-level aspect of my daily, micro-level spirit work, which is a service-oriented and tutorial relationship with a great many spirits and Powers wherein I provide a lot of ground-level, go-fer style assistance to making Their presence more firmly established in this world and/or aiding Them in Their work and/or providing Them with the things They have difficulty providing for Themselves (this last bit is especially true in the case of spirits). These are endeavors that anyone can do, should they feel motivated to. Indeed, by expressing our love and affection for Them in a myriad ways, we are already fulfilling the first task I named.

Even though our worship and affection might have some instrumental facet, I feel that there’s some potential danger in characterizing the emotionally-based relationships we share with the High Ones as labor. Humans are not engines that produce an exhaust of loving emotion. We should be cautious about labeling our love as labor or employment; it is a short jump from there to thinking of our love as capital – which leads us right back to the vending machine model of divine relationship that many of us work so hard to root out in our own hearts and minds. (The vending machine model being that the High Ones dispense blessings when love is shoved inside them. This is perspective is demeaning to us and Them, but it is a model that nonetheless pops up in sacred relationships from time to time.)

Love is valuable for its own reasons, for its own sake, for its own experience. There is effort involved in the cultivation of emotional capacity, in the uprooting of psychological baggage that prevents or distorts the experience of love, and there is effort required in persisting in affection when injury is felt. Love, however, has a self-sustaining character. It arises spontaneously, blossoming from itself and creating its own increase. The experience of love might be effortless, unexpected, sudden – but it is not employment. I shouldn’t think of my affection as currency or labor; I hope you don’t, either.

Love is not production. Love is not capital.

I engage in spirit work because it was an opportunity presented me by a god I love. It is a path of service, self-improvement, insight, and growth that is fueled by my love for the divine and for this world. I took it up because my spiritual trajectory (my dharm, if you will), clouded the appeal and availability of other outcomes. There were other options in the choice I was offered, but there was only one correct one. My spirit work is an expression of my love. It is one facet of my affection, but conflating my useful potential – my capital – for my ability and capacity to love the gods is a mistake. This is a mistake I’ve made numerous times and it’s one that I will make many, many more times. I’d like to warn people away from the heartache and damage the results from this mistake.

You are not an engine of affection. Love from pleasure. Love from desire. Love from spiritual loneliness and a longing for celestial (or infernal!) comfort. Love for the High Ones cannot be contracted, bought, or bartered for. It is presence freely given – from us to Them.