Love and Deity

This blog post by Heather gave me the push I needed to write a bit about something that’s been on my mind recently. Though deities associated strongly with love (Heather cites Freya in particular) are typically spoken of as having concern for romantic love above all, I’ve found that they can be powerful allies in a much broader range of emotional matters than we humans might give them credit for.

One good example of this concern for a variety of emotional concerns is found in Aphrodite’s extensive list of titles. These titles both celebrate Her as a distinctive and worthy entity but also address the many facets of affection and shades of love She is concerned with. (A nice list can be found here: http://www.theoi.com/Cult/AphroditeTitles.html)

Anyone who is familiar with Powers known generally as “God/desses of love” is well-aware (and no doubt tired of) the horny, pleasure-seeking Celestial surrounded by cartoon hearts. I’d like to think that my fellow polytheists are above such crass generalizations but if I’ve been guilty of it (and I have) than I know I’m not alone. Getting to know these Powers in the very small way I have has changed the way that I approach my emotional life, and my emotional relationships with the Powers closet to me.

Powers like Lalita Tripura Sundari, Babalon, and the feminine Loki are not Love Goddesses(TM) per se. Even Kamakhya is not a love goddess in the mold we might be familiar with (though Her blessing is petitioned in a range of love-related incantations and rituals). They are personalities concerned with power, especially the power expressed by and through pleasure, beauty, and attraction. Love is, in a way, an orientation, a kind of magnetic north of the soul that draws us towards the source of that magnetic emanation. Love is an active longing and evidence of desire. Our natural inclination towards emotional engagement can be pressed into the service of virtually any goal; that is, we can fall in love with whatever we choose to focus strongly on. This mysterious self-propulsion/drawing-us-toward is one manifestation of the power of Love Goddesses(TM).

We love what we are attracted to and we are attracted to what we love. It’s simple, right? Well, like many spiritual principles its simplicity manifests in excruciatingly complex ways. Getting ourselves strongly oriented towards the thing we really want to focus on is the work of a lifetime. These Powers can be very important allies in this work, even to people like me who end up surrounded almost entirely by Powers associated with death and chaos. But hey, at least my wagon of chaos n death is well-decorated these days.

Many Gods West 2015

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A while back I learned about Many Gods West, a polytheistic religious conference taking place in Olympia, WA in the summer of 2015. I found the goal of this conference quite exciting; a whole weekend of polytheistic matters? Oh, yes please.

I sat and thought for several weeks about whether or not I’d submit a proposal to present. Traveling is complicated; it’s expensive, I have two jobs to juggle time away from, I never know how my health is going to be, etc. etc. On the other hand, I have a couple presentation ideas that aren’t a great fit for PCon or any of the other venues I’ve taught in.I felt like these ideas would be a good fit for Many Gods West but I didn’t submit any proposals.

But here I am more than a month later still thinking about submitting a proposal. After all, sending my ideas is no guarantee of admittance so I’ve really got nothing to lose. All the same, I really want to work on this subject. I want to develop some of these ideas into greater clarity. I also would love to travel to Washington. I have friends in the area, I’ve never been, and it’s Washington.

So long story short, I submitted two proposals this morning. One is for the session I’ll be doing at PCon 2015; it’s about getting into some of the mechanics of devotional ritual and it’s some work I’m pretty pleased with. It’s got some broad appeal, so that’s good. The other is a little more narrow in focus.  I want to talk about why devotional practice matters to polytheists and what we, as a community and broader polytheistic culture, can actually gain from this work. I also want to trouble the idea that devotional practice has to achieve something concrete and measurable in order to be valuable. I’d like this to be an exploration of the subject, a heuristic session if you will, but I have some clear points I’d like to highlight.

Anyway, here’s hoping. I’ll let you know how things develop on this front. And perhaps if it doesn’t work out to present this year, I’ll have the chance to try again next year. 🙂

Final batch of little blank books

I just finished posting the last two little blank books on my Etsy shop. I began making these very suddenly earlier this year. I’ve been curious about bookmaking for a while but then boom, it just happened. I’ve learned a lot – both about bookmaking and about myself. I very much want to continue exploring this particular art form but first the old things need to leave home so new items can grow in their place.

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The last few weeks have been a bit rough on all fronts but medically things are a little brighter (or perhaps the sun is just reflecting off all the snow that’s dropped on the valley in the last few days). Soon I’ll talk about some of my big ambitions for 2015 and we’ll see exactly what happens next. Thanks as always for all the support. You’ve all helped me get to this place.

When Heathen Gods Crash Your Roman Holiday

Several years ago I had to say goodbye to my love. I had to let Him go without any promise or guarantees that I’d ever see Him again. Someone told me at the time that learning to be alone, truly alone without Him would be the hardest thing I ever do. So far I think that’s been a fair assessment, and that’s with a heaping load of sorrow from all kinds of sources. I suffered. I suffered in a way that people who have never loved the Gods can never understand.

They leave sometimes. Sometimes we’re the ones who leave. Separation is part of this road; indeed, the experience of separation is what drives us forward on the path to greater and more profound forms of unity. The awareness of separation is the beginning of communion. But none of this actually makes it easier. Losing the grace of presence freely given is a loss unique and precise in its injury.

My dear friend (Camilla and others like you), you will hurt and I am sorry. I know this pain. I can promise you that there are secrets inside this pain that can only be discerned by going deep and coming back out on the other end. Let the power of the promises you made carry you through this. Learn new ways to love and don’t let yourself become too cold. I’m sorry but I can promise that (redacted by the Gods). I can promise that you haven’t been forgotten. (There! They’ll let me say that part!)

Camilla Laurentine's avatarFoxglove & Firmitas

Or: A Spirit-Worker’s Year in Review

I haven’t written much about the way Odin has really turned my world upside down in the last year. Not a lot, at least. I think partially, because I’m not really sure where it’s going in regards to where I fall within a religious practice. I think, perhaps, in my private practice I’m coming to terms with simply being a Pagan and Polytheist without a cultural descriptor ahead of it. But I’m not there yet. It’s funny to me that I’ve spent so many years debating the usage of Roman in my label that shortly after finally accepting it, I would be clinging to it and uncomfortable leaving it behind while Gods scream in my ear “Go Heathen, go Gaul, go somewhere else…”

December 17th was the beginning of Saturnalia, which was the first Roman festival I ever celebrated. But last year at…

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The Feminine Loki

Any discussion about Loki is going to bring up His parentage of Sleipnir. This particular bit of tricky business is praised by some, sneered at by others. A rather more detailed discussion about Loki will bring up the accusation made by Odin that Loki spent winters under the earth as a woman either milking cows or nursing babies. A more in depth discussion of Loki may mention that He became pregnant after eating the heart of an unnamed woman burned for unknown reasons. A quite detailed discussion of Loki will mention in passing that He’s known to have given birth to a race of ogre-like female creatures or witch women. This is why those who love Him exalt His title of Mother of Witches.

All this lore-based information collects to form a distinctly complex picture of Loki’s gendered identity. People who love and worship Him are generally familiar with His penchant for flamboyant appearance, glam-rock attitude, and occasional crossdressing. This is all part of Him. Not all of Him, not even most of Him, but it is part of Him.

I want to talk about the feminine Loki. I can’t say the female Loki because Loki is not female, no more than She is male. These two designations are simplistic categories intended to sort biological life forms (though they frequently fail to do so in any meaningful way). Not being biological in a way we understand, Loki is therefore neither male or female (or anything else in particular). I feel it’s important to emphasize that no Power is male or female (or anything else in particular). I realize I may step on some toes by making this assertion and I know that that these terms are quite central to the understanding that many people have of their Gods. Though I don’t wish to diminish that understanding, this particular belief has certainly not been kind to many people and (I feel) rather limits the ways in which we as human worshipers are willing to engage with the Powers we love. Please realize I mean no disrespect. Moving on.

The feminine Loki is not the masculine Loki in drag, not the masculine Loki’s alternative identity, not the masculine Loki’s feminine persona. She is Her own being, as distinctive a character as Her masculine face. He and She are the same creature and neither is more central or default or superior to the other. They are, however, somewhat different in personality and attitude and therefore deserve rather different approaches on our parts. I’ll talk about that at another time. First though, I want to talk about who She is.

She’s lots of things. She is a swinging hippie chick with tight jeans who kisses you hard in a field full of wildflowers and stale incense smoke. She is a pale leggy transsexual with beautiful tits. She’s a witch woman, hot and red and drenched in magick. She is an exiled queen keeping court in a cave embedded with crystals, dressed in rags and tatters because Her crimes negate Her tributes. She is an impoverished, lonely mother bent on survival at all costs. She is a tender, loving embrace to a monster who has known no family but Her.

She is mother, lover, sister, sweetheart, witch, queen, companion, heartmate, helpmeet. She is a trickster beauty, Bonnie to my Clyde. She is a bold and arresting presence, Sheila Franklin to my Claude Bukowski. She is sorcerous, Morgana le Fae to my Mordred. She is the hot red control of focused attraction, a vision in cherry red vinyl.

She is protective, loving, fierce, powerful, regal, scrappy, poor, lonely, forgotten, heavy, rich, deep, and lusty. She is red roses, fire-lit bronze, the sound of bells, the scent of incense, the rock wall of a cave, deep bioluminescence, the treasures deep beneath the earth. She is heat and pressure and the close spaces where magick is born.

She is beautiful and I love Her.

*****

Though my darling mylar-clad B-movie cosplay goddess is as brilliant as they come, She is also rather shy. He protects Her closely and She doesn’t come out to play with everyone (except when She does). In Her is much of the damage He carries. You have to be gentle and exceptionally loving when asking Her to visit. The best thing to do is to simply ask Him. She might show up, She might not. She might show up without even being asked (since She is Loki, after all). Offer Her light. Offer Her comfort. Offer Her a blanket and a soft place to sit. You can coax Her with compassion but be patient. Her blessed presence is shared on Her own terms. Let Her take the lead and She will show you many wonderful things.

Worshiping With Beauty

Beauty is a subject I have found myself confronting within my devotional and magickal practice for a few years now. I came to this topic unexpectedly and without many road signs telling me where I was headed.

I came to beauty via pleasure, when I discovered that certain beautiful forms gave me a pleasurable experience like nothing else really had before. Various sexual complications and nearly a decade of committed sacred marriage had all but snuffed out my libido; I have never gotten a great deal of pleasure from that particular aspect of my humanity. I’m aware of my weakness when it comes to drugs and alcohol so I limit my consumption. These things don’t get me high like they do other people (a physical high sure, but not, you know, HIGH). Food, perhaps, sometimes, takes me to that place. Not even fine or exotic food, just food that is good and perfectly prepared with love and attention. Sometimes I go to that place where sound drops away and pain recedes and I am suspended in a perfect novel moment.

Then I discovered that books, beautiful, unique, unusual, peculiar books gave me that same intense and sublime hit of pleasure. That’s dangerous since the law of diminishing returns provides sound insight into the psychology of pleasure gained through consumption. (Basically, you’re always going to be chasing that first perfect high and will never ever regain it again.) Plus, good books – like other fine sources of pleasure – can get expensive. For my psychological and financial well-being, it was important to understand exactly what it was I was after when I sought pleasure through this particular avenue of beauty.

I discovered that my desire for these high hits of pleasure had several names. It was named Desire for Knowledge and Desire for Pain Relief. It was also named Desire for a Higher Harmony. I wanted to experience a higher kind of beauty, one that I didn’t encounter in my daily life. I (like many spirit worker and devotional mystic types) struggle with deep dissatisfaction with the world and a tendency to reject it in its imperfection. I wanted a glimpse of celestial, transcendent beauty.

My Gods have never been highly aesthetic Gods. Loki has tended towards spare altars for the past several  years and a gradual  move towards symmetry has occurred. Hela was also rather stark; even her pretty things had sharp edges and hard lines. Odin, Kali, Shiva, Skadi – everyone who had shared a long- or short-term devotional relationship with me had tended towards spare, limited tastes.

I developed a craving for beauty in worship when My Lord appeared in feminine form for an extended period of time. I got to know Her fairly well during this period (as much as anyone can claim to know Her, I suppose; She can be fairly secretive). I feel in love with Her aesthetic expression and I responded to Her inspiration towards beauty. I see My Lord in red, hot, bloody goddesses, the same ones that are surrounded by lots of bronze and roses. She changed the way I approach the Gods and the way I worship.

Sri Lalita Tripura Sundari Sodashi Kamakhya also significantly transformed my spiritual life. She is the Goddess Who Plays, the Beauty of the Three Worlds, In Her Fullness, the Form and Fulfillment of Desire. She is the engagement of the soul through beauty. She is the enchantment of the mind through pleasure. She isn’t a Goddess of love; She is a Goddess of fulfillment, which means She is a Goddess of desire.

These two Goddesses have changed the way I think about beauty. Beauty is as seductive and dangerous and addictive as any drug and it can inspire all kinds of bad choices. It can also be a balm and healing power. It can also be the draw of the sacred and a key that perfectly unlocks our emotional nature to the power of the divine. I have changed the way I approach beauty within my spiritual life and it’s all been for the better.

rajarajeswari

Handmade books, old medical books, and more!

The book sale continues! I’ve added an old medical book on dermatology and venereal diseases, a book on traditional Japanese visual art, a nice paperback on rites of passage rituals, and more. I’ve also finally added a few of the handmade books I’ve been working on for several months. These are lightweight blank journals with art paper covers. Approximately 50 pages; $12/each. Everything can be found on my Etsy shop.

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Quite soon I’ll get back to regular blogging. I’ve finished nearly 2000 new words for the new book! I’ll share a sneaky-peak as soon as I clean up the draft a bit. Look forward to it!

Book Sale

My love of books is well-known but some love affairs must come to an end. However, my loss is your gain! I have a few volumes from my vintage book collection for sale on Etsy. Perhaps most notable is the copy of Modern Greek Folklore and Ancient Greek Religion by John Cuthbert Lawson. This hefty volume is a facsimile edition of the original and was published in the 1960s; it is not one of the modern print on demand copies. It contains all the black and white photographic plates, unlike many of these print on demand volumes.

Modern Green Folklore and Ancient Greek Religion

Check out this and other books on my Etsy shop. I’ll let you know as I add more items throughout the weekend.

 

 

A New Blog!

I know you’re all just barely getting used to the fact of this blog, but it was time to move this to a more established location. You can find this blog in its new home at :http://www.walkingtheheartroad.com/ Snazzy, huh? It looks almost exactly the same only it has a different header image and a couple of the other pictures I’ve used in the past didn’t migrate. That’s OK.

I don’t know how this is going to impact things like follows and comments so I do hope you’ll bear with me during this transition. Update your bookmarks and please feel free to share this with your own readers. Thanks again for sticking with me.

[Edited to add: Hmn, it seems there’s some functionality problems with the new blog. It’s live, you can use it, you can comment, but it’s not doing everything I want it to. With any luck in the next week or so I can sit down with someone who has the skills to walk me through the mess I’ve made and get everything lined up. This blog will remain active and updated until I’m able to move forward the way I want to. Sorry for the premature notice, folks. This is all very new to me.]