Several years ago I had to say goodbye to my love. I had to let Him go without any promise or guarantees that I’d ever see Him again. Someone told me at the time that learning to be alone, truly alone without Him would be the hardest thing I ever do. So far I think that’s been a fair assessment, and that’s with a heaping load of sorrow from all kinds of sources. I suffered. I suffered in a way that people who have never loved the Gods can never understand.
They leave sometimes. Sometimes we’re the ones who leave. Separation is part of this road; indeed, the experience of separation is what drives us forward on the path to greater and more profound forms of unity. The awareness of separation is the beginning of communion. But none of this actually makes it easier. Losing the grace of presence freely given is a loss unique and precise in its injury.
My dear friend (Camilla and others like you), you will hurt and I am sorry. I know this pain. I can promise you that there are secrets inside this pain that can only be discerned by going deep and coming back out on the other end. Let the power of the promises you made carry you through this. Learn new ways to love and don’t let yourself become too cold. I’m sorry but I can promise that (redacted by the Gods). I can promise that you haven’t been forgotten. (There! They’ll let me say that part!)
Or: A Spirit-Worker’s Year in Review
I haven’t written much about the way Odin has really turned my world upside down in the last year. Not a lot, at least. I think partially, because I’m not really sure where it’s going in regards to where I fall within a religious practice. I think, perhaps, in my private practice I’m coming to terms with simply being a Pagan and Polytheist without a cultural descriptor ahead of it. But I’m not there yet. It’s funny to me that I’ve spent so many years debating the usage of Roman in my label that shortly after finally accepting it, I would be clinging to it and uncomfortable leaving it behind while Gods scream in my ear “Go Heathen, go Gaul, go somewhere else…”
December 17th was the beginning of Saturnalia, which was the first Roman festival I ever celebrated. But last year at…
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